Here I am, rounding out about 32 weeks of pregnancy (pun intended)…I have no idea how this happened. I mean, I remember the day that we drove out of state to have the IVF done. I remember seeing the little shooting star on the screen as they jettisoned the embryo, who is now our daughter, into me. I remember them poking around and it hurting a bit. I remember immediately changing my exercise routine and trying to rest up for a few days, but how I got from there to here is almost a mystery. Part of me still doesn’t believe it is true. How did I go from worrying about having another miscarriage to preparing to take care of an actual baby? With luck, I suppose.
My last few weeks have been punctuated by a rough cold. I’ll thank my compromised pregnant immune system for that. After having a “drug-free” pregnancy, mostly, thus far, I feel like I was involved with the mother load of drugging when things were really bad. Benadryl, Tylenol, Robatussin DM, an inhaler, saline, netti pots, EmergenC, Afrin, hot compresses, showers and baths, tea, taking day after day off of work, missing Easter with family as I binge-watched so many TV shows and movies. Coughing until I pulled the muscles under my ribs and had to hold my rib cage together to even get anything out. Fear of choking to death, as I tried to get food down my dry throat, with a head so congested that there could be no movement of air. As you can tell, it was pretty traumatic for the tiny misery of “just a cold.” None of those meds really helped either, just time.
I keep being told I am in the final stretch here, but I was really hoping to feel better than this at 32 weeks. My feeling good morphed into the bad cold, which has now morphed into exhaustion and a resurgence of nausea. My hips and back have been killing me and the exercises that were keeping my hip issues at bay fell by the wayside as I went through with this cold and recovery. I’ve never actually run a marathon, only a half marathon, but I feel just about like I did at mile 10: the accomplishment of the 9 miles was wearing off into pain, with the realization that the last 3 miles could be pretty rough. By mile 12, I could barely even move my knees anymore and the triumph of getting across that line was only a moderately stronger feeling than the disappointment of not being able to “finish strong.”
I finally really look pregnant and had been quite proud about not succumbing to this kind of pregnancy heaviness. Well, it has come. I can see the writing on the wall and have started trying to find slip on shoes. I may have to even get a pedicure (which I really dislike) at some point because I won’t be able to clip my toe nails. Getting off the couch is getting harder and harder and my stomach muscles don’t function like they used to. As I toss and turn on my bad hips while trying to sleep, I find myself on my back…with the baby on my bladder. So my sleep has taken a turn for the even worse.
In terms of baby preparation, I am (still!!!) sorting out which kind of stroller and car seat will be best. There are so many choices that I am completely overwhelmed. I am pretty sure we will get an infant car seat and I just wanted to be able to snap it in to one of those generic snap-in strollers. But I read a good review of a $300 infant seat, where I said, “Ok, safety is important. I’ll cough up the cash”, but then realized that it wasn’t compatible with any cheapo snap-in. Then I went to the cheaper best option, but the reviews were significantly less awesome than the more expensive seat. A trip to Babies R Us with my sister, who was visiting from out of town, helped a tiny bit. You’d think this was a serious life decision, and I do believe I am doing my over-researching, thus creating paralysis.
Both my baby shower and my 41st birthday are only a couple of weeks away. I really, really pray that I can muster up some good rest and a pleasant demeanor. I hate feeling powerless and not being able to “push through” not feeling good. What was it I have been saying?? Oh yes, adjusting to change…I just thank this baby for kicking me regularly, reminding me that she is, in fact, in there and thriving. The reassurance is greatly appreciated and the visible kicks are better than TV!
Hoping to have a lighter report next week!